Ghostbusters Frozen Empire asks: what if the family from National Lampoon’s Vacation fell ass backwards into Ghostbusting? Answer: it would be cool and fun and funny.

Frozen Empire is a visual and vibe-perfect follow-up to Ghostbusters (1984) that incorporates the best bits of The Real Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters II, Ghostbusters Afterlife, and Ghostbusters: Spirits Unleashed.

Secret sauce(s) of the Ghostbusters franchise:

Frozen Empire follows what I call Aykroyd’s array, the formula to ’84 Ghostbusters: 30% funny as hell (10% of which is horny-type funny), 30% scary, 30% weird and badass.

Ghostbusters is really about the unexplored science and undeniable power of vibes.

Horny and screwball romantic comedy are essentially one in the same in Ghostbusting terms. Unlikely, powerful connections are a recurring motif since ’84.

Ghostbusters is about brutally honest and embarrassingly uncool/real reactions to the terrifying, the supernatural, and the overwhelming.

The proton-paneled ghost zoo in Winston’s secret R&D headquarters absolutely rules, as does seeing the new, different branches of paranormal investigation and elimination. The quick moment of ectoplasmic Jurassic Park is genius and honestly could power an entire movie or at least a TV episode.

Venkman is a slimeball manipulator but also a genius-level psychologist and masterful people-reader. Like a lovable dipshit cross between Frasier and Dr. House and a carnie. Also the ultimate hotshot gunslinger Ghostbuster. Like Doc Holliday with multiple PhDs and the ability to bully/dunk on the undead. Ice in his veins, but not a serious bone in his body.

Aykroyd’s Ray and Hudson’s Winston are the ever-beating hearts of Ghostbusters.

Phoebe calling Stantz “Dr. Ray” is precious, protect her at all costs. 

Ecto-C is fucking dope as hell and probably a wink to Ecto-Cooler.

I hate that they don’t make Slimer glowing and translucent like in ’84, but the puppet is so goddamn good and expressive I understand why they made him as visible as possible. 

Pukey, the little vomit ghost, is the rare barf joke that I enjoy. Great character design, tastefully restrained geyser of ecto-vomit. Vastly preferred over the obvious Exorcist parody-puke in Answer the Call. (THE CAST WASN’T THE PROBLEM PAUL FEIG WAS I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL AND HAUNT IT AND THEN BE BUSTED BY PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS OF ANY GENDER). Anyway the Ghostbusters Wiki says that Pukey’s Occupation is Projectile Vomiting. Which like, I’m just glad he found his niche, you know?

Atherton as Mayor Peck is the perfect heartless asshole (who once again has a point! FUCK)

WINSTON AND RAY HAVE TOUGH TALKS BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER FUUUUCK MAN 

Ghostbusters deal with weird-ass and/or insane humans as much as they deal with ghosts and goblins. Kumail Nanjiani is the perfect modern influencer gymbro equivalent to 84’s neurotic-accountant-turned-dimensional-fuck-dog-demon Rick Moranis. An unparallelled supply of eccentric, hilarious freakazoids makes New York City vital to Ghostbustmanship IMO.

The Stranger Things-ification of Ghostbusters is sub-optimal IMO but has more pros than cons (moreso in Frozen Empire than Afterlife for my money). It speaks to kids’ instinctual understanding of the power of vibes and how kids have always been drawn to the scary but scientifically weird and wonderful world of Ghostbusters. What kid doesn’t want to kick the boogeyman’s ratchet ass with firehose lasers and devastating sick burns?

“Golden years?!” “Golden years!” 

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire and Godzilla X Kong: The New Empire both revolve around a villain that uses deadly ice powers and end with an instantly frozen beach disaster sequence. And both have a “something Empire” subtitle. What’s that about?

I also love both movies. WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

Finn Wolfhard as a hapless young wiener is by far his best, funniest, most human work. Like a baby Luis Tully (compliment).

Paul Rudd as a Clark W. Griswold-esque stepdad/Ghostbuster is inspired.

They originated in Afterlife but the Mini-Pufts are a perfect add to the Ghostbusterverse. Stay-Puft is too good to not bring back, but Gozer is donezo for good so he needs to appear in some different form. It’d feel stale if it was a single, kaiju-sized marshmallow man again. Lots of tiny psycho Stay-Pufts gives us a fresh new angle on the confectionary creep, and feels like a loving nod (or shameless ripoff if you’re a dick) to the Gremlins movies. The fact the Mini-Pufts are so focused on and delighted by torturing and killing themselves is a hilariously dark, weird new twist, and as Ghostbustery as it gets IMO. These are ethereal abominations, after all.

Carrie Coon is hot. Annie Potts is hot. Ghostbusters has always been inherently a little bit/safely horny. This is because GB is about vibes, and horniness is a normal healthy part of being human, and very vibe-based.

The quiet importance of human connection/horniness feels Freudian/Jungian–psychology and parapsychology are to Ghostbusters as archeology and anthropology are to Indiana Jones. They’re baked into the DNA of the story, characters and world, just turnt up to 11(million). Unlikely supernatural trips to pound town are a recurring motif and literally alter the fate of reality in this franchise. Just like in real life.

As ever, bustin’ makes me feel good. 👻💦