Monsters Conquer the World is a blog dedicated to the radioactive dinosaurs, mutated insects, gigantic aliens, huge robots, and other colossal creatures that have stomped through major cities and into my heart. If it’s at least 50 feet tall and a menace to society, chances are it’s on my radar. If it’s invulnerable to conventional weapons and has a tendency to fist-fight similarly huge beasts, then we’re really cooking.
While most folks grow up and out of their monster mania, I only seem to love the genre more as time goes on. When my mind wanders, I’m usually thinking about atomic reptiles body-slamming gargantuan robots through famous landmarks. It’s a special kind of insanity that I want to share with the world.
Sci-fi, horror and fantasy are more mainstream now than they ever have been. TV shows like Dr. Who, Game of Thrones, and American Horror Story rake in the ratings, Saturday Night Live puts out sketches about Harry Potter, Legos are based on Star Wars, superhero movies dominate the box office every summer, and the internet has huge and vibrant fan communities for everything from slasher films to vintage video games. But in a world of Star Trek tattoos and Mega Man tribute bands, Godzilla and friends have been crowded into the background. And I get it, giant monster movies are a dead genre (well “dead” the way musicals and westerns are). Hollywood throws me a bone(r) once in a while with the occasional Pacific Rim or 2014’s terrific Godzilla, but the monster boom of the 60s is long gone (replaced by the current superhero boom). And you can’t really sex up giant monsters like you can vampires or zombies. Or at least, it’s really depressing if you do.
There is a small, dedicated cult following for giant monsters online, but it can be kind of an echo chamber. A lot of people there hate Minya, when in reality, Minya fucking rules. I want to get my own take on the genre out there, and really, I just love yammering about giant monster movies.
So I review a kaiju eiga/creature feature/giant monster movie every month. I give my two cents on the movie and dig up some fun factoids about the production and cultural impact of the movie while carefully sprinkling in terrible puns, pop culture stream of consciousness, and of course, only the classiest dick and fart jokes.
How I met monsters
Growing up in the early 90s made it tough to be an elementary school-aged giant monster fan. We didn’t have cable until the mid-90s, so I missed the big craze of networks playing campy old monster movies on Saturday afternoons. When we did get cable, channels like Sci-Fi and TNT had just moved away from their late-night monster movie marathons.
My first giant monster experience was probably Mr. Stay-Puft at the end of Ghostbusters. If not that demonic Pillsbury Doughboy doppelganger, it would have been the atomic ants of THEM! I did finally catch my first glimpse of Godzilla on a rare TV airing in elementary school, and there was no turning back. He was like a dinosaur, but better. He was a zillion times bigger than any normal dinosaur, a T-Rex with spikes on his back! He breathed fire! He was in a city kicking ass, not in a prehistoric jungle kicking dirt!
That was all it took: the big beast bug bit, and I’ve been chasing monster movies ever since. The older I get, the more resources I have to dig into the crazy world of giant monster movies. It’s a weird, wonderful journey that I don’t plan on ending any time soon.