Don’t be a Whore of the Gargantuas, Check out War of the Gargantuas

War_of_the_GargantuasHappy Halloween month!  It’s my favorite time of year: the crisp cool air, the beautiful colors of changing leaves, dark nights perfect for horror movie marathons, candy, pumpkin spice everything, apple pie, costumes, Halloween parties, all that shit! Last year I had a perfectly Halloweenish kaiju movie, the delightfully bizarre Frankenstein Conquers the World.  This year I just have to follow up with its superior sequel, 1966’s terrific War of the Gargantuas!

Of course, just how much of a sequel it is will depend on what cut you’re watching, but we’ll get to that later.  What’s important to know right now is that in spite of its wet-fart of a leading man, Gargantuas delivers a simple and satisfying sci-fi story and some of the absolute best monster mayhem committed to film. It’s a cult favorite in an already cult genre that’s secretly influenced some of the heaviest hitters in Hollywood.  So put down that giant octopus, spit out those shredded shirts, and get the words unstuck from your throat, because we’re going to war with the Gargantuas!

First, the trailers.  Here’s the original Japanese trailer, and the English language version.  Both versions are essentially the same, but the English version has some kick-ass dubs and some ridiculously corny title cards.

No more shitty partial realism for us!

No more shitty partial realism for us!

Master monster maestro Akira Ifukube returns to deliver the score. It combines the creepier elements from his work on Frankenstein Conquers the World with his more traditional kaiju movie sound: wild, bombastic brass that gets particularly out of control when one of the Gargantuas starts horkin’ down people like they’re White Castle mini-burgers.

Even radioactive monsters would think twice about chowing down on this thing though. Maybe it's because they don't want neon green poops.

Radioactive monsters prefer White Castle because unlike certain burgers it doesn’t give them neon green poops.

You can give the main theme a listen here, but the stand out tracks are the urgent and exciting Operation L theme and the fittingly melancholy monster battle theme.  You can keep yourself in a monstery mood while you read with a full score suite here. And who could forget the bugfuck-insane lounge ballad “Feel in my Heart (The Words Get Stuck in my Throat)” with lyrics like “If I had a tiny microphone hidden in my heart / It would amplify my love for you.”

Devo definitely didn't forget, because they covered the damn thing.

Devo definitely didn’t forget, because they covered the damn thing.

Gargantuas, like Frankenstein, was co-produced by Toho and Henry Saperstein’s company UPA.  Also like Frankenstein, Gargantuas reunites director Ishiro Honda and special effects sultan Eiji Tsubaraya.  This movie shows once again that these guys were the absolute kaiju kings.

Tsuburaya, acting coach of the Gargantuas!

Here’s Tsuburaya instructing the Gargantuas on how to bodyslam each other through buildings because he had the best job in the universe.

The casting in Gargantuas is similar too.  The human protagonists are a trio of scientists led by a Hollywood actor, with Kumi Mizuno playing the leading lady, and a Japanese actor rounding the trio out.  Frankenstein’s Tadao Takashima is replaced by Toho sci-fi stalwart Kenji “Mr. Godzilla” Sahara in Gargantuas, and Sahara is solid as a supporting character.  The Hollywood actor is where the transition gets rough.  Frankenstein featured Nick Adams:

Shown here goofing around with Baragon suit actor Haruo Nakajima, because Nick is fucking cool.

Shown here goofing around with Baragon (and more famously Godzilla) suit actor Haruo Nakajima, because Nick Adams is fucking cool.

I went into it in more detail in my Frankenstein review, but Adams threw himself whole-heartedly into both of his Toho monster movie roles (he also starred in Invasion of Astro Monster), and it shows onscreen.  Both of his performances are earnest, energetic, and just the right amount of hammy.  But instead of Nick, Gargantuas is stuck with smirking, mumbly, walking perm Russ Tamblyn.

Shown here making some kind of poopy face. Buh.

Shown here scrunching his already punchable face into an even poopier expression.

Tamblyn’s Dr. Stewart is a charisma void, delivering his lines with the absolute minimum effort and emotion.  At times it seems like maybe he was going for a smooth cool-guy scientist, but it just comes across as smug sleepwalking.  It’s maybe unfair to compare Tamblyn to Adams, but their roles are so similar it’s hard not to.  What’s amazing is that his snoozer performance hardly even slows this movie down, that’s how bad-ass everything else is.  So it’s kinda like Charlie Hunnam’s blah leading man in Pacific Rim!

Though time will tell if Hunnam will valmorphanize into a David Cross/George Lucas hybrid like Tamblyn did.

Who knows if Hunnam will valmorphanize into a David Cross/George Lucas hybrid like Tamblyn did.

Gargantuas throws us headfirst into monster action from the get-go.  The film opens with a small fishing boat at sea, getting tossed around on a stormy night.  The helmsman has things under control, until a giant goddamn octo-arm slithers in and starts slopping around! It makes some really cool and weird sounds while it manhandles the crewman.  Before the octopus (sometimes named “Oodako”) can initiate any live-action hentai, the green gargantua Gaira shows up and wrassles its big squishy ass!

If this promotional art is to be believed, Gaira wins by lifting the giant octopus' skirt.

Gaira here shows us how much trickier it is to pull off a Stone Cold Stunner when your opponent has 8 legs and a skirt.

Gaira just throws the big cephalopod around until it decides to fuck off. The Gaira-Octo fight is an exciting way to launch into the story, but it’s also a fun nod to the deleted alternate ending for Frankenstein Conquers the World.

For some reason people just couldn't get onboard with a gigantic forest-dwelling octopus.

For some reason people just weren’t on board with a gigantic forest-dwelling octopus popping up in the last five minutes and killing the hero monster.

Immediately after giving Oodako a sea-worthy swirlie, Gaira goes apeshit on the boat, which must have been a very fast, very short emotional rollercoaster for those poor fisherman.  The ship model is big and detailed, the churning, stormy ocean is great, and Gaira himself looks bad-ass in the wind and rain.  We don’t see all of Gaira’s rampage; the movie gives us a breather to show us the title card and the credits, then jumps ahead to the lone survivor babbling madly in the hospital.

Yeah, we know, he's the doctor, let it go!

Yeah, we know he’s the doctor, let it go!

So in the original Japanese cut, the Gargantuas are called Frankensteins. I love this partially because I know that at any given time, the existence of this concept is psychically giving humorless English majors the loudest, most fiery rage-diarrhea possible.

I get together with the Frankensteins, Draculas, Wolfmans, and Creature from the Black Lagoons and we all have a good laugh about it.

I get together with my friends the Frankensteins, Draculas, Wolfmans, and Creature from the Black Lagoons and we all have a good laugh about it.

As fun as it is to imagine lit professors furiously and uncontrollably liqui-turding in their pants over wacky pluralization, the Gargantuas are called Frankensteins because they actually are that monster’s weird, cellular offspring.  The Japanese and English language versions handle connections to the previous movie strangely.  The trio of scientists are new characters, unrelated to their Frankensteinian counterparts. Flashbacks show them caring not for a human-sized Frankenboy, but a ridiculously adorable little Kidgantua.

I think Chewbacca owes some child support.

Chewbacca claims to fly around space with Han Solo because of a “life debt” he owes, he just never specified that it was child support back payments.

So you could argue that the Kidenstein and Boygantua were being observed by two different science-threesomes, except that Gargantuas references the living severed hand scene from Frankenstein! It all sort of reminds me of how Evil Dead II confusingly opens with an abbreviated, altered recap of Evil Dead.  It’s odd to have an immediate retcon like that, so the English version tries to smooth things over by replacing references to Frankenstein with Gargantua.  Basically the Japanese version is a loose sequel to Frankenstein Conquers the World, while the English version is more of a standalone movie, but it still has some minor ties to the previous film. Ultimately, which version you watch doesn’t really matter.

Intricate continuity and deep lore is not required to make this kick ass.

Precise continuity and deep lore are not required for this to kick ass.

A scuba team is sent out to assess the survivor’s shipwreck, but all they find are an undamaged ship and ripped-up clothes.  They grill the lone survivor for the “real” answers, and he awesomely tells them “If I were going to tell a lie I’d think of something more believable than a gargantua!”

The survivor recounts what happened through a flashback.  We see Gaira swim after the sailors, who are frantically paddling for shore mid-monsoon.  This is done with a terrific composite shot and a big awesome Gaira prop hand that flops down on top of the actors.  It all looks great, and we get to see one of the few man-eating Toho kaiju grabbing late night yum-yums like a true dollar menunaire.

Unlike Titanosaurus, who is famously an intolerable vegan.

People start believing the survivor when Gaira pops up off the coast of a small fishing village.  The townies are trying to pull a wrecked ship ashore when they get a full, pants-shitting view of the Gaira’s big ugly mug poking out of the ocean.

Sorry Gaira, not

Sorry Gaira, not “ugly,” just… you know, unique! #EndKaijuShamingNow

It’s enough to finally mobilize our intrepid sciencers. They tell the press they don’t believe this ugly green menace is their peaceful, people-loving babby monster from back in the day, and speculate that it may be a second creature.  Dr. Stewart and Akemi (Mizuno) head into the Japanese Alps to follow up on reports of gigantic footprints, and Dr. Majida (Sahara) investigates Gaira’s beach-side stomping grounds.  Stewart and Akemi sure as shit find some huge footprints (conveyed by a surprisingly weak matte painting), while Majida finds a hunk of monstery schmutz and has it analyzed.

The sample is mostly hair. Look at this guy. There's no way it's not a dingleberry.

The sample is mostly hair. Look at this unkempt fucker. There’s no way it’s not a dingleberry.

But before our heroes can put their heads together and figure Gaira out, he’s running amok at an airport! And I mean literally running: much like Frankenstein in the previous movie, the Gargantuas can dash and leap around their mini-worlds. It’s an incredible visual, especially compared to classic lumbering monsters like Godzilla.

Gaira's gotta be quick, or else he won't catch his plane. ;)

Gaira’s gotta be quick, or else he won’t catch his plane. 😉

The airport also boasts some terrific evacuation shots. People actually look scared and frantic: they run, knock over tables, jump over stairs, and don’t accidentally smile when they’re on camera.  The quality of an evacuation scene is one of my favorite ways to measure the production values of a kaiju movie.  If they cared enough to make the evacuation look good, usually the rest of the movie is on point… at least on a technical level.

“Just pretend like we didn’t see him and we won’t have to make small talk.”

It gets cooler though: Gaira’s not here to remind us of our hubris or warn us about nuclear weapons, homeboy is here for snacks.  With some more inspired compositing and use of the big prop hand, Gaira fists an office window and grabs an administrative assistant appetieaser.


Then we see where the bloody, shredded clothes come from! Gaira loves to chomp on dudes and ladies, but he spits out their duds like sunflower seed shells!

The gif I found is close-captioned for your pleasure. Ladies.

The gif I found for this is pointlessly narrated for your pleasure. Ladies.

The clouds part and the sun shines through, scaring the piss out of Gaira. He sprints for the coast and cannonballs spectacularly into the ocean. Tokyo is left in shock and the press hammers Stewart and Akemi for answers. Our heroes manage to ditch the papparazzi and catch some beauty rest before their hearing the next day.  Meanwhile, at a swanky rooftop nightclub in Tokyo…

This lady sings, and it’s pretty brutal. After her performance, the lights go down and Gaira pops up!

Even monsters love dinner and a show.

Even monsters love dinner and a show.

But before Gaira can chow on this lady, the emergency lights flip on, freaking him right the fuck out again.  He drops the girl, and just bolts out of town all together. Emergency broadcasts warned Tokyo residents to make like Motel 6 and leave the lights on for Gaira, so he makes a beeline for the boonies.  Japan’s self-defense forces aren’t about to let a man-eating monster off scot-free, so they chase him through backcountry roads like the weirdest possible alternate universe version of “The Dukes of Hazzard.”

True story: I had a Matchbox car of Boss Hogg's BITCHING Cadillac as a kid, and I loved to pretend that the bull horns could spin fast enough to make the car fly like a helicopter.

True story: I had a Matchbox car of Boss Hogg’s bitching Cadillac as a kid, and I loved to pretend that the bull horns could spin fast enough to make the car fly like a helicopter. I never paid attention to the show, but me and Boss Hogg’s Caddycopter was bad as fuck.

The army chasing Gaira is exciting and fun, mostly due to Ifukube’s kick-ass music and welcome shots of life-size military vehicles trailing the monster.  The miniature vehicle shots look great too, except when they also feature distractingly obvious mini-drivers.  Hilarious micro-men are worth it though, because those miniature vehicle shots mean we also get to see the huge-ass maser tanks in action!

Who knew your uncle's 80s TV satellite doubled as an effective anti-monster weapon?

Who knew your uncle’s 80s TV satellite dish doubled as an effective anti-monster weapon?

The maser tank is the most iconic piece of fantasical tech in Toho’s sci-fi and fantasy oeuvre. Prior Toho films like The Mysterians and Mothra feature similar, less mobile energy weapons, but Gargantuas marks the debut of the maser tank, which would go on to appear in Toho creature features (in various incarnations) for decades to come. Futuristic super-weapons have a tendency to pull me out of these movies, but I’ve always liked masers.  Gaira however, super does not.

I imagine it's hard to like anything that lightning bolts your titty.

I imagine it’s hard to like anything that lightning bolts you in the solar plexus.

The forest assault on Gaira marks one of the only times the military has made a dent against a Toho monster.  They manage to light him up (literally, he catches fire!), but not surprisingly this way pisses him off, and he starts throwing tanks through houses spectacularly.  The JSDF keeps the heat on Gaira by electrifying the nearby river and hammering him with maser fire. Gaira tries to crawl away through the forest using the woods as cover, but the masers just slice through the trees, bringing them down in a clean horizontal sweep, roasting Gaira’s rump. It’s one of the coolest sequences in all of giant monster moviedom, and sets up Nakajima to do some masterful suit acting.

It's weird feeling (momentary) pity for a gigantic flesh-eating monster.

It’s weird feeling (momentary) pity for a gigantic flesh-eating monster, but Gargantuas manages it!

By the end of their confrontation, Gaira’s bleeding and flopping around on all fours in pure agony.  Nakajima’s body language comes through terrifically, but thanks to the simple design of the Gargantuas, his face is able to emote too. You can even see the actors’ eyes! It goes a long way to giving the creatures life and personality.  As we watch the fight go out of Gaira, we hear a weird roar from over the hill.  The JSDF collectively bombard their bloomers with boo-boo: “Another one?!?!”

“Say hello to your mother for me.”

Sanda! Sanda’s a turbo-pimp with a heart of gold and he’s even bigger and bad-asser than Gaira. He dashes in, scoops up his decrepit brother, angrily shoos away the JSDF with his free arm, then proceeds to give them the most withering shit-eye I’ve ever seen, human or not.

Sanda doesn't have fancy energy beams like some monsters, but he can guilt you harder than a Jewish/Catholic mother.

Sanda may not have fancy energy beams like other monsters, but his side-eye is legendary.

Sanda and Gaira shamble off to safety, and it’s not long before Stewart and friends are hot on their trail. They’re convinced that Sanda is their friendly kidgantua all growed up and that Gaira can’t survive for long away from water.  Why Dr. Stewart thinks that Gaira will die without splashing around every few minutes is beyond me, but it gives everybody an idea of where to start searching for our titular mon-stars. While the humans scramble around for clues, we get a peek into what’s going on with Gaira and Sanda.

Oh surprise, Sanda proves once again he has a fucking heart of gold and does his best to care for and comfort his battered brother.  They desperately hide in the forest from search choppers, and Ifukube’s score amplifies their monstery plight.  While the army gives the monsters panic attacks, Stewart and pals find Gargantua samples further up the river. After analyzing the tissues, they realize Gaira and Sanda aren’t just siblings of the same species, they’re identical on the cellular level.  Based on that and their run-in with Frankenstein’s living severed hand in the previous movie, they theorize that Gaira is actually a hunk of Sanda that got sloughed off and grew into a whole new monster.  It’s why Gaira is littler, shittier, and loves being in the water.

It's also why they're the best damn dance partners in the whole club.

It’s also why they’re the best damn dance partners in the whole club.

Our scientists also realize that if you try to blow up a garg with conventional firepower, you’re just going to scatter their cells and create a shitzillion more of them.  The army says “that’s fine, we’ll just napalm both the fuckers to death and call it good,” which bums out all three scientists thoroughly.  Stewart and Akemi take a hike (literally!) to clear their heads and encounter some amazingly dweeby 60’s college kids singing their way up the same trail.  An ominous fog rolls in, so Stewart and Akemi decide to head home, while the bevy of dorks march on… into the grasp of Gaira oh shit!

“Whatever, you know what Rally’s always says!”

Dr. Stewart, Akemi, and the Tokyo Tech AV Club all run for their lives, but Akemi gets tripped up and finds herself dangling off a cliff.  Stewart, in a turdish and truly Russ Tamblyn-esque fashion, slowly and half-heartedly ambles over to start helping her, while MOTHER FUCKING SANDA LEAPS DOWN THE CANYON TO SAVE HER BECAUSE HE’S A BETTER PERSON


The hero Japan deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

As he gets into position to catch Akemi, Sanda takes a bone-crushing boulder to the leg, knocking his ass into the river below, and he still saves Akemi.  Dr. Stewart was literally not willing to jog to save her life. Sanda’s devotion to saving Akemi solidifies their theory that he’s “their” gargantua. He carefully places her back at the top of the cliff so she can escape with Stewart.

Bonnie Tyler wrote a song about exactly this.

There’s a really powerful piece of classical music about exactly this.

Starting with Sanda’s baller rescue, the movie tears out all the stops and shoots them out of a laser cannon into an exploding cocaine-Ferrari factory. Which is to say, shit has gotten real, and just gets realer and realer until the credits roll.  Sanda shambles home with his busted leg, physically hurt but ultimately feeling pretty cool about life, most likely excited to communicate the day’s events to his new friend Gaira in some way. This all changes for the absolute worst when he gets home.

Sanda, like most people, does not brandish a tree in jest.

Sanda, like most people, does not brandish a tree when life is going well.

Sanda finds out the hard way that his twin/clone/son/pal is a people-chomping dickhead.  Garia’s laying there on the riverbank in a food coma, surrounded by bloody, spat-out clothes and he just barely acknowledges the livid Sanda with a lazy look that clearly says “what are you gonna do about it, pussy?” Unsurprisingly, Sanda’s non-verbalized answer is “bash your rotten fucking guts in with this tree.”

I mean shit, the movie's not called Peace of the Gargantuas.

I mean, it’s not called Peace of the Gargantuas.

They battle on the riverbank, and it’s no surprise when Gaira starts biting and fighting like a dirty asshole.  After tusslin’ around a bit, Gaira sprints out of there, and Sanda limps after him as best he can.  We get a whole series of awesome effects shots as Gaira tramples through the countryside and trashes small towns, while the army and Sanda trail him.  Our heroes try to convince the military that they have eye-witness evidence that Sanda’s a stand-up dude, but the JSDF just isn’t buying it. Stewart and co. do however manage to warn them that Gaira no longer fears light, since past experience and context clues have taught him that light=delicious people.

It's a lesson we all learn in college at about 2 a.m.

It’s a lesson we all learned in college at about 2 a.m.

Sanda, in his desperation to catch up with and stop Gaira, accidentally (and awesomely) blasts through a bridge. It prompts one of my favorite lines in the movie: the JSDF colonel finds out and gets up in Majida’s face, “You still wanna wet-nurse that monster?”

“… but he’s gonna have to settle for a hamburger or something because those big gnarly-ass chompers aren’t getting anywhere near my nips.”

So both gargantuas end up in Tokyo.  The city is on lock-down, with the lights out and nearly everyone evacuated or hunkered down in safe zones.  Akemi and Stewart are still in the city, and Akemi insists on going to find and help Sanda to repay the big galoot for rescuing her ass.  Stewart agrees to go with her, and they sneak out into the city, dodging military police and weaving through darkened streets packed with abandoned cars.  It’s awesome, and makes the city evacuation feel more real than in most kaiju films.

Topped only by the gritty realism of Godzilla vs. Megalon.

It’s topped only by the gritty realism of Godzilla vs. Megalon.

Akemi and Stewart eventually push their luck too far.  The army doesn’t spot them, but fucking Gaira does!  This is way worse because there’s like an 80% chance the army didn’t plan on murdering and eating them.  Our heroes duck into some kind of funky underground shopping center and/or surprisingly well-furnished subway terminal to evade the hungry green giant. They’re feeling pretty smart and cool about their hiding spot until Gaira goes “Hey you know what? Fuck all this chase-around stuff, I’m a huge-ass monster! I’m-a just blast my fist through the ceiling and getcha!” And he does just that.

“Well shit.”

Just when it seems certain Gaira will get to chew on a sexy lady, Sanda arrives on the scene and calls him out!  Gaira drops Akemi a couple dozen feet onto concrete, which, yikes man.  Stewart grabs her unconscious bod and hobbles off to safety.  It didn’t go as smoothly this time, but that’s another life-save from Sanda.

Sanda, you the real MVP.

Sanda, you the real MVP.

But this is it!  This where it all goes down!  Gaira vs. Sanda is possibly my favorite giant monster fight of all time, and I’ve seen a lot of giant monster fights. The gargantuas don’t have any flashy energy beams like Godzilla and his friends, but their lighter suits let them brawl the bejeezus out of each other and the beautifully intricate city set around them.  We’ve also spent the duration of the movie learning what makes these characters tick.  They really are characters instead of mindless monsters; they have motives and personalities that have reached a lethal critical mass.  Yû Sekida as Sanda and Nakajima as Gaira act their asses off in their monster suits.  You can see how betrayed and sad Sanda is to battle his own brother, and you can practically smell Gaira’s dickish fury.

It's sad it has to be this way, but you know nobody would go see Chilled Out Brunch of the Gargantuas.

It’s sad it has to be this way, but you know nobody would go see Chilled Out Brunch of the Gargantuas. Well I mean I would, but I can’t support an entire motion picture release on my own, and Kickstarter didn’t exist in 1966.

Ifukube’s music amplifies every emotion: Sanda’s anguish, Gaira’s rage, and the military’s mad desperation to stop them both.  The fight itself is fucking incredible.  Gaira bites on Sanda, they throw each other through buildings, they chokeslam each other’s heads against the concrete, Gaira smashes the piss out a bunch of tanks with hunks of rubble, and both monsters crash from one neighborhood to the next until they end up in an industrial harbor.  Between dust-ups, Sanda non-verbally pleads with Gaira to cut this shit out, but it just seems to make Gaira more vicious.  I can’t imagine having to beat the shit out of my brother to stop him from being a murderous asshole at all, let alone have him wail on me like a maniac for trying to stop him. That said, things get even crazier in the harbor.

Which probably ranks pretty high on the list of things you don't want to hear if you live within a mile of this harbor.

Which probably ranks pretty high on the list of things you don’t want to hear if you live within a mile or two of this harbor.

Gaira and Sanda are both beyond pissed and out for blood at this point. While they bodyslam each other through buildings, the maser tanks close in like circling vultures.  The masers humor our heroes and focus their fire on Gaira, which drives the fight out into the water.  The miniatures have been awesome throughout this entire film, but I love the nice big freighters Gaira and Sanda get to play with here, especially when they drill each other in the skull with them.

Nothing says

Nothing says “fuck yo’ couch” like a cargo ship to the dome. Just ask Gipsy Danger!

Sanda and Gaira continue their war well into the morning, drifting further and further out to sea, followed by JSDF helicopters.  Akemi wakes up in the hospital, and she, Majida and Stewart overhear military radio chatter that the fight is still raging. The choppers bombard the piss out of both gargantuas, and in the throes of furious battle it doesn’t slow them down much.  It does trigger an undersea volcano, which the JSDF bomb to hell in a last-ditch effort to fry the two grappling giants. Akemi and co. are told shortly after that the JSDF is reporting the gargantuas as dead.  It’s impossible to confirm, but in the hellish heat of spewing magma and lethal ordnance, there’s no way anything could survive.  Our heroes take this uncertain news pretty hard, and the movie closes on a last lingering shot of the smoldering, colorful, almost expressionist volcano.

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Who would guess that these two couldn’t resolve their differences and live happily ever after?

The film must have been at least a moderate hit for Toho, as there were plans for a Godzilla/Gargantuas crossover movie.  Needless to say, I am butthurt that never got off the ground, and I bet I’m not the only one!  This movie has fans in high places.  For starters, this was the movie that sparked Brad Pitt’s interest in acting. It’s probably a little less surprising that master monster masher Guillermo del Toro loves it too.

Seen here, channeling his inner Gaira.

Seen here, channeling his inner Gaira.

The most recent Scooby-Doo series parodied it (crazy heart-microphone song and all) with an episode called “Battle of the Humungonauts.”  Tim Burton, already a noted Godzilla fan, lists it in his top 5 favorite movies and said:

“There’s a beauty to these films, the Japanese character designs — there’s a human kind of quality to these things, which I love. Monsters were always the most soulful characters… the monsters were always the emotional focal point.”

The Gargantuas also influenced one of the most brutal battles in Kill Bill Vol. 2.  If you guessed that it was Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah’s knock-down, drag-out, beat-ass brawl in Buck’s trailer, give yourself a scratch-n-sniff sticker! Tarantino describes it as “The War of the Blonde Gargantuas,” and he had both actresses watch the movie for inspiration.  Like any good gargantuas, they make sure to choke the hell out of each other and blast one another through walls.  They even drop a big fat hint in dialogue right before the fight breaks out:


Director Ishiro Honda famously said, “Monsters are born too tall, too strong, too heavy—that is their tragedy.” That philosophy applies to just about every kaiju film he helmed, but War of the Gargantuas has it in spades. Sanda is the most sympathetic monster other than Gamera or King Kong, and even those guys never had to fight their own family.  The original ending called for the volcano to destroy not just the gargs, but all of Tokyo with a river of molten lava. It would have been a more spectacular finale, and could have even turned the movie into a cautionary tale; if you try to bomb your problems into oblivion, you’ll just end up with bigger, badder problems.

See, bombs aren't even listed on the sign! Oh, it's because the bombs are being dropped from an aircraft. Bummer.

See, bombs aren’t even listed on the sign!

The volcanopocalypse ending was cut for financial reasons, but I think it also helps keep the focus on Gaira and Sanda, who bring an almost Shakespearean level of monster-tragedy to the table.  You definitely feel for the monsters, but the movie never gets lost in overwrought melodrama, and it never strays too far from its fun, pulpy horror-adventure roots.  Gargantuas pulls off this impossible balancing act flawlessly, which is why it’s one of my all-time favorite movies, kaiju or otherwise.

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5 thoughts on “Don’t be a Whore of the Gargantuas, Check out War of the Gargantuas

  1. I’ve not seen the Frankenstein precursor or the War – definitely going to have to look this one up! My son and I have finished up enough Gamera and Godzilla to hold us for a while! We’ve been working our way through the first series of Ultra-Man on DVD in the meantime… I used to get up every Sunday morning at 6am to watch that one.

    • I LOVE Frankenstein and War, both are easily in my giant monster top 10. Let me know what you think when you get a chance to check ’em out!

      Ultraman was never really on my radar until a couple years ago. They showed the Pygmon episode at G-Fest in 2013 and it blew my mind. I’ve been slowly picking through the original series on Hulu since. If you’re looking for some more Ultra-action, Shout Factory is streaming all of Ultra Q and Ultra Seven:

      • So many options these days… so little time! It is very different for the kids in that they can just stream anything with a click. I remember waiting weeks to months to forever for particular movies to rerun on the good ole WTBS superstation back in the early 80s… Or hoping you’d chance across it on VHS in the back corner of the small indy video shop of the day.

        I was amazed at how many Ultra series there are now – I don’t think we ever had anything past the original 39 or so episodes. We check out some of the more recent ones and they are essentially power rangers with really bad CGI – blech! If the effects are gonna be lousy – I’ll take lousy practical effects over CGI any day!

  2. Trivia time– the bad: Ishiro Honda disliked “Gargantuas.” He said that while he’s glad the movie is beloved, he finds it too “boring” for his tastes. And I’d bet dollars to yen it’s Russ’ fault.

    The good: In Ishiro Honda’s draft of “Destroy All Monsters”, Sanda was seen chilling out on Monsterland. He didn’t have a role in the action (like the monsters in the finished film sorta do… Looking at you, Varan), he was literally just shown loitering on Monsterland and that was it.

    • God, I would have killed for a Sanda cameo in DAM. They had plans for Kong to pop in there too! I wish they could have kicked out one more massive cross-over movie in the 70s. Gigan, Mechagodzilla, and the Space Amoeba crew would have also been super fun additions to the mega monster mash.

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