Ultraman Review Part 5: Episodes 11-13

tumblr_oiki9vLrt81vki3xpo8_500Let’s get Ultra, fools! I have no concept of how long it’s gonna take, but I’m determined to review every last episode of this show and after a couple months off I’m jazzed to dive back in.

If you haven’t checked out the previous installments or want a refresher, hit up Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4!

This month we get some of the (intentionally) funniest monster action I’ve ever seen, our creepiest antagonist since Baltan, and a fresh, funky formula shake-up! Pour yourself a nice tall glass of oil because shit’s gettin’ ULTRA in here!

Episode 11
The Ruffian from Outer Space

It’s also known as “The Rascal from Outer Space” or “The Rambunctious One from Space” and those titles are a little more evocative of the story we end up getting.  Ruffian/Rascal starts with clever twists on a light-hearted what-if/fantasy premise and ends with some of the funniest, slapstick-iest kaiju combat I’ve ever seen.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.35.01 AM.png

The only thing that stopped them from giving each other wedgies is the fact that they’re both, you know, butt-ass naked.

The episode opens with Hoshino grab-assing with some other kids in a pretty gnarly looking industrial area.  I always like kaiju stories that include some grounded, slice-of-life character scenes.  Seeing kids putz around in an ugly vacant lot really puts me in the headspace of pre-90s summer vacation, when parents let their kids roam as long as they were back when the streetlights came on.  It shows not only that kids are a little tougher than we give them credit for, but that they’re capable of finding or making their own fun in any environment. I only got a taste of that in my own life (at some point as a pre-teen Super Nintendo got way more interesting than sticks and bugs and stuff), but it still creates a cozy, nostalgic feeling my in brain-guts.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 12.55.50 AM.png

I talked about it in my Gamera vs. Jiger review and I guarantee it’ll come up when I do Godzilla’s Revenge in December For Minyamas (aka Minya’s 50th birthday)!

Yep, just good, clean fun in a good, dirty abandoned lot…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 12.58.01 AM.png

Wait what?…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 12.56.57 AM


Thankfully Hoshino ends this body horror when he spots a weird sparkle zipping through the sky! The kids can’t decide if it’s a meteorite or a UFO, but they all set off to find its landing point in their improvised playground.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.01.15 AM.png

It’s Galactus’ kidney stone!

The kids give no shits about a multi-colored space rock and just toss it on the ground like it’s fucking garbage.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.03.33 AM.png

Where it turns into colorful marbles! Wheeee!

After a few seconds as a bunch of scattered marbles, it pops back into its original form.  The kids astonishingly all write it off as a figment of their imaginations and go back to dicking around in an industrial waste field.  Hoshino off-handedly says that it’d be cooler if it turned into a racecar (inadvertantly inventing a hugely popular toyline and terrible movie series?)… and then it (more or less) does!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.05.01 AM.png

“Oh wow! Heh, um, well it’d be even cooler if it turned into $100,000 in small, unmarked bills!”

The kids suss out that the rock turns into whatever a person is thinking of, and this kiddo thinks hard as hell about an extravagant birthday cake:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.08.06 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.09.24 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.09.37 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.10.03 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.10.40 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.11.24 AM

It’s achieved with some really cool stop-motion animation.

They take turns getting the rock to turn into stuff (the next kid wants a piano!) and some shady ass creeper leers at them from a distance:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.13.45 AM.png

If this wasn’t an episode of Ultraman, I’d assume the rest of the story goes off in a real fuckin’ dark direction from here.

Thankfully it is an episode of Ultraman, so Hoshino just takes the rock to the Science Patrol without any fuss.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.14.05 AM

And with this amazing “oops my phone camera is pointed the wrong way” introductory shot of Arashi.

Arashi takes it to the Science Patrol’s frequent collaborator and recurring secondary character, Dr. Iwamoto (played by Akihiko Hirata… best known for Dr. SUPER-PIMP Serizawa in the original Gojira) over at the Science Center.  What follows is one of the best “doin’ science!” montages I’ve ever seen:

Playing with food coloring=super-science!

The Science Center’s top eggheads hold a press conference to announce their findings (almost none!) and a certain cane-carrying creeper is in attendance.  But he bides his time! The scientists announce that the rock is a living mineral with a chemical composition unlike anything found on Earth.  Other than that, it’s exactly what the kids said: a rock that turns into whatever you’re thinking of! They even let some schmuck reporter test it out!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.22.17 AM.png

Which again, if this wasn’t an episode of Ultraman, it could’ve taken a very dark turn…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.24.48 AM.png

…Oh no.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.25.27 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.25.40 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.25.52 AM

It’s a funny switch-a-roo gag, but I don’t really understand why the rock-bride turned into a grumpy dude?  The way the story leads into this joke, I was expecting us to see this goober reporter accidentally making out with a colorful rock.  Either way we got a good G-rated sex joke, which I never expected out of Ultraman.


If anything, I expected Ultraman to work blue.  Get it?

Anyway, our cane-creeper was up to some shifty bullshit (surprise!) and planted a bug in the room.  Even though he’s a fucking slimeball, his plan is really cool and clever.  After he plants the bug, he gets into his parked car and walkie-talkies his “wishes” to the rock.  No blushing brides for this shithead, first he gets the rock to goop out of its container:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.28.48 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.30.16 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.30.40 AM

Then he tells the goop to turn into a missile and fly out of the building to him!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.31.16 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.31.27 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.31.38 AM

We never really find out who this guy is or what’s up with him, but he’s clearly a fucking go-getter.  Just like the cake, the missile transformation is pulled off with some really slick animation, and in general this episode looks great: lots of dynamic camera work, snappy montages and interesting photography.  You know what else looks great? ACTION (Jackson)! Arashi spots our villain trying to get away in his sedan, so Arashi does the Arashi thing and starts shootin’ shit!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.33.34 AM


Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.35.42 AM

All right, Arashi shot the switch for the gate to shut, case closed right? FUCK NO ROCK ‘N” ROLLLLLL

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.37.13 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.36.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.37.31 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.37.40 AM

Our douche guy jumps out of the car with the “missile” right before he makes like an octogenarian at a farmer’s market and in the chaos Arashi loses track of him.  The car careening towards hapless scientists and barreling through the front of the building isn’t achieved perfectly (the car slows down for a second before cutting away from the POV shot and the mini-backdrop inside the building shakes because the car hits it), but it’s one of those cases were the concept is so shocking and exciting that it’s completely satisfying anyway.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.40.41 AM.png

If nothing else, this shit-heel’s pretty happy with how everything went down.

Now I’m not sure if this is a funky translation or if I just missed something, but our cackling dickhead tells the rock he “want[s] something destroyed”: hinting at some kind of motivation or goal! But this wish conjures up (the roughly man-sized) Gyango, who just ends up running around scaring people and being a butthole.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.42.46 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.45.02 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.45.13 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.45.56 AM

So these two schlongs are like, meant for each other.

Gyango is one of the weirdest critters we’ve seen yet (which even this early in the series is saying a lot), and I dig his funky aesthetic.  He’s an altered Bemular suit, dressed up with non-vestigial arms, little metal claws, glowing eyes, weird body-art, and big metallic rotating ears/antlers/antennae.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.47.11 AM.png

I’d suggest that maybe he has a great personality, but he turns out to be a complete fart-knocker.

Gyango harasses two different bellboys and crashes a swimsuit photoshoot. It’s all well-paced and legitimately chuckle-inducing physical comedy, and after each spook-em-up we get a crazy shot of the human villain guffawing like a fucking nutcase in front of an artsy orange back-drop:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 1.57.45 AM.png

Ha wow jeez it looks like he’s reading a classic movie review from MONSTERSCONQUERTHEWORLDDOTCOM!

After yukking it up at Gyango’s shenanigans, our previously slick con-man takes a hard left into dipshit country and wishes for Gyango to be huge… while they’re both still in the hotel.  I bet you can guess how well that works out for our human villain:

The Science Patrol is ON IT in no time, because they’re pros.  Tsuburaya and co. show off with a really cool, flashy jet launch sequence too:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.03.51 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.04.04 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.04.20 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.04.48 AM

It’s super rad!

Our heroes track down the dipshit idiot behind everything, and Hayata pieces together what the hell happened/is happening: dum-dum here wished for a kaiju to appear for no particular reason, catastrophically got exactly what he wanted, and got knocked the fuck out for his trouble.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.08.47 AM

“Guys I gotta be honest, I’m not sure if rescuing numb-nuts here is actually a good idea.” “. . . “

The kicker is that getting K-O’d sort of “locked in” his last wish, hence why super-Gyango is still out there going apeshit on the city instead of, you know, going back to being a small colorful rock.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.11.26 AM.png

Above: Not a small colorful rock

Of course the Science Patrol won’t let this guy potentially bleed out in a ruined hotel, so they rush him to the hospital… it doesn’t hurt that waking him up might also be the only way to get rid of Gyango. The self-defense force is bringing some sick hardware to the party, and we’re now fully switched from fun Twilight Zone-y fantasy story to comedy kaiju rumble!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.13.12 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.13.39 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.14.27 AM

Finally a monster that takes Jay-Z’s advice!!

The JSDF’s laser tanks are mostly an annoyance for Gyango, until they explode one of his rotating “ears”: then he freaks out and goes kick-crazy!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.17.06 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.17.54 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.18.41 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.19.38 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.20.02 AM

This worm’s-eye view of the action is really exciting and would feel right at home in a more serious kaiju story.  It also helps paint a really clear picture of Gyango’s shitty bully personality: he can dish it out but he can’t take it. Suit actor Teruo Aragaki breathes bratty life into Gyango with some really evocative, anthropomorphic body language that fits the light tone of the episode perfectly. You even feel bad for him when he doubles over and covers his eyes in pain and fright after the Science Patrol bombs him!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.22.51 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.23.26 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.24.11 AM


Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.26.29 AM.png

I couldn’t capture it very well, but he pops right up and slam-dunks the Science Patrol jet into the ocean after he tricks them into thinking he’s sad and hurt.

Hayata survives the crash (of course) and does a cool under water Ultra transformation!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.29.30 AM

Gyango watches the water closely for signs of life…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.29.45 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.29.57 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.30.09 AM

… And Ultraman turns his splashy entrance into a jumpscare that knocks Gyango ass over tea kettle!

Hayata/Ultraman have made peace with the fact that they’re going to have to fight horseshit with horseshit, gifting us one of the legit funniest battles in monster fiction.  No joke Ultraman has to tickle Gyango to break out of the butt-pin I showed at the top of the review:


This is the best genre in the universe.

Gyango tricks Ultraman into dashing into the water, Ultraman retaliates by splashing Gyango like crazy, Ultraman gives Gyango a swift kick in the ass, Gyango fake-begs for mercy, Ultraman leapfrogs over Gyango… it’s non-stop delightful.  The best part though… well, just see for yourself!

THAT IS THE BEST, FUNNIEST SUCKER PUNCH I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.  It stole the title from the previous champ (the gleefully stupid and criminally under-appreciated!), Jingle All the Way.  It’s perfect: Ultraman’s shoulder taps are in time with the music, Gyango’s perfectly dumb flat pug-mug sells his astonishment. I truly, literally laughed out loud the first time I saw it. I always have to run it back and watch it a couple times before I move on. It keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.51.52 AM

Ultraman and Gyango keep fighting for a little bit after this, but it’s pretty much impossible to top the funniest sucker punch committed to film.

Our moron human villain wakes up, realizes he’s put thousands of people in mortal danger for literally no reason at all and wishes Gyango away immediately:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.54.57 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.55.08 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.55.27 AM

With Gyango gyone-go, Hayata cheekily tells his fellow SPers that he’ll talk to Ultraman about getting rid of the pesky wishing stone. Fuji tries to follow him, so Hayata makes sure to hustle out of HQ and lock the door behind him.  It’s a fittingly cute ending to what is by far the funniest Ultraman episode yet.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 2.56.17 AM.png

“But for real Doc, if I wish for this thing to turn into a hot dog and then I eat it, what would happen?”

It has some hiccups (particularly the motive-less, inscrutable human antagonist), but The Ruffian from Outer Space’s clever premise and focus on (surprisingly well-executed, timeless) comedy make it stand out.  Oddball stories like this are a testament to the strengths of TV as a medium for kaiju fiction.  Short weekly productions allow Tsuburaya and co. to be way more flexible and experimental than they could with feature-length studio films, and I’m very glad for that.  Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 12.58.47 AM

Episode 12
Cry of the Mummy

After the outright comedy of The Ruffian from Outer Space, Ultraman pivots again into spooky sci-fi horror with Cry of the Mummy (or alternately, The Cries of the Mummy).  As a fan of monsters in general (including Universal’s classic pantheon of man-sized horrors), it’s really refreshing to see a unique take on mummy mythos that also stays true to the character’s horror roots. Everybody jokes that mummies aren’t scary and I don’t think there’s any reason for that to be an etched-in-stone immutable fact.  Anything can be scary if you try, and Cry of the Mummy’s first half nails it.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.20.25 PM.png

I’m sorry but that’s fucking creepy. Especially for a mid-60s kid’s superhero show.

We open with the Science Patrol overseeing an archeological dig where scientists have just unearthed a 10,000 year old mummy!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.00.20 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.00.41 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.01.53 PM

But like, a monkey mummy.  A monkmmy? A mummkey?

The specimen is mysteriously inhuman and incredibly well-preserved, so Dr. Iwamoto takes it to the Science Center to try and unlock its secrets. The Science Patrol have agreed to help guard it, given that it’s a priceless archaeological find.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.20.25 PM

I’m sure everything will go 100% fine.

Iwamoto runs some weird electrical tests on the (odd but awesome looking) mummy before turning in for the evening.  After Iwamoto bails, an unseen force pulls the levers on the equipment, the machines kick on and bombard the mummy with electricity and… well, take a wild guess:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.11.59 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.13.56 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.14.05 PM


The night watchman leaves the thoroughly creeped out scientist he’s chatting with to go check out the commotion…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.16.34 PM

Dude obviously never saw Scream. Or Cabin in the Woods.  DON’T SPLIT UP

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.17.01 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.17.36 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.17.57 PM

“Well here’s your problem, there’s a reanimated mummy messing with yourAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

The scientist gets nervous after a while and tries to check on the night watchman, leading to the tense and eerie reveal at the top of the stairs:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.20.25 PM

I really love this shot.  You probably picked up on that since this is the third time I’ve used it in this review.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.21.36 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.22.05 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.22.55 PM

So yeah, it’s a pretty big change in tone from Gyango making a bellhop drop a pie, even before I realized that the night watchman and the scientist were FUCKING DEAD.  The Science Center reports it to Ito the next day, who is thoroughly creeped out by their story.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.24.10 PM.png

“But Fuji, what if the mummy is wrapped in toilet paper?  Used toilet paper?!”

Arashi tries to gently goof on Ito and simultaneously reassure him that the mummy has to have been stolen, not missing (Monster Squad has a nearly identical conversation!).  Ito’s not convinced, especially because two more people have been murdered outside the sewers nearby.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.27.02 PM

“Outside a sewer guys?  If it wasn’t a used toilet paper mummy before, it definitely is now!”

The whole Science Patrol crew rushes out to investigate, and Captain Mura pointedly asks Iwamoto how he brought the mummy back to life in the first place.  Turns out the mummy wasn’t truly dead, just in a state of super long-term hibernation.  Because of this incredible discovery, Iwamoto urges the assembled SPers and self-defense forces to try and take the mummy alive if at all possible: it very likely holds the secret to (some version of) eternal life.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.30.57 PM.png

“No Ito, it’s unlikely that toilet paper was involved at any stage of the mummification process.”

The excitement cranks up as the combined forces of the self-defense soldiers and Science Patrollers search the sewers for the mummy and try to battle the creature that’s not truly alive or dead.  Great, moody locations and sweeping cinematography drive home the spooky, serious vibe of the episode.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.34.47 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.34.59 PM

Above: for real horror movie/Slenderman type shit.

The mummy eventually gets surrounded by his pursuers, but that isn’t nearly enough to stop his rampage.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.53.47 PM

Dude somehow is jacked despite being asleep for the last ten thousand years. I’m with Iwamoto, I want to know that secret too!

The mummy is so huge and so powerful that he can just throw entire groups of guys like it’s nothing.  Then shit gets desperate and the shooting starts…

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.36.38 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.55.30 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.55.43 PM

And the mummy shoots right back!

Mummy starts just dropping dudes left and right with his eye lasers, and finally Mura sends Arashi in to do his Arashi thing:

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.58.07 PM.png

i.e. smoke the mummy like a fuckin’ doob

The mummy collapses, and the horror’s over right? Everything’s cool now? Ultraman gets the day off?

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.59.22 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.59.36 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.02.17 PM


Just like the previous episode started with a what-if fantasy story and transitioned into a monster comedy, Cry of the Mummy starts as straight-up horror and switches gears into traditional kaiju action-adventure.  I’ll keep an eye out for this in future episodes and see if it recurs enough to officially become part of the Ultraman Formula™.  I hope it does.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.58.37 AM.png

The next episode doesn’t do go for a narrative change-up, but tinkers with the formula in an even bigger way.

Anyway that big, weird, awesome horsie dragon with wings on his neck is Dodongo!

NOT to be confused with the ever-changing but always triceratops-ish (and smoke/bomb-averse) enemy from the Legend of Zelda games.

With his dying breath, the mummy awakens the massive monster (so it’s THE titular Cry of the Mummy!), who’s now hellbent on avenging his fallen master.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.07.19 PM

Of course he doesn’t know who exactly to wreak vengeance on, so this nearby mine will do.

The mine miniature (and its real-life counterpart) looks terrific and the ensuing chaos montage is a blast.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.08.53 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.10.32 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.10.42 PMScreen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.11.49 PM

Dodongo’s an ambitious creature design that mostly works.  He’s the series’ first two-person suit, which is a super sick concept I’m geeked to see more of (we will in the next ep!).   Dodongo’s vocalizations are Mothra noises pitched up, and his head is a modified version of Pagos’ from Ultra Q:


And at this point it’s no surprise to see that Pagos’ body is Baragon’s old bod! Barry gets around!

Dodongo’s got an ornate, Chinese dragon-y motif going on that I dig.  It mixes well with his horse-ish frame.  The suit moves well too, especially considering its complexity and some of the wild action they’re about to pull off with it.  The main downside is that Dodongo has lots of loose, floppy elements that make him look flimsy or rubbery when he really starts jukin’ around.

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 5.02.04 PM

“Why don’t you come down here and I’ll show you my ‘loose, floppy elements’ you fuckin’ nerd!”

The Science Patrollers try to take out Dodongo via jet, but his eye-lasers keep them from mounting much of an offensive.  Arashi figures their best bet is to try and attack from the ground, and Ito’s got a hot new piece of experimental tech that’ll make it possible.

Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 4.17.57 PM.png

A proton pack! The electronic barrier!

Arashi suits up with the new doo-dad, locks and loads his supergun, and confidently strides out into the line of fire to tear shit up.

Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 4.20.59 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 4.21.28 PM

“Ow ow owwwwie my shit! It’s being torn! Up!”

Arashi really gets to shine in this episode with several kick-ass moments.  He blusters and bristles a lot in other episodes, but scenes like these go to show he’s got the skills to back it all up.  But oh yeah, after Arashi blows out Dodongo’s right eye, he fires back with his left!

Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 4.22.10 PM

Screen Shot 2017-07-21 at 4.22.46 PM

“That didn’t hit, nuh-uh! I have a forcefield!”

The electronic barrier works! It saves Arashi’s ass!  It’s a really cool optical effect, and it should look very familiar to avid video game players out there:

With Arashi boldly leading the attack, the other SPers try to zap out Dodongo’s other eye:

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.06.49 AM

They don’t hit his eye, but damn if it doesn’t look dope anyway! It always looks dope.  I love these guys.  Speaking of which, if you’re anything like me you might be excited to know that for $111 you can get a full Science Patrol uniform that looks pretty damn good.  I’m dead-set on William T. Riker for Halloween this year, but maybe next year…

Dodongo KO’s Arashi before he can knock out the monster’s other eye, so Ito steps up and finishes the job!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.07.50 AM

Yeah Ito! Way to be-to!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.09.20 AM

Check out that gnarly eye-gore!

Dodonogo does not handle his newfound blindness very well, and starts violently thrashing around like… like a giant monster that has just been blinded.  Other than the blind monster-thrashing, the Science Patrol’s laser-guided eye-gouge plan works really well.  Like, they’ve kicked a ton of ass before Ultraman has even shown up.  They should try this with every monster, right? I’m sure there’s a way to explain why they don’t do it every episode (hell, most monsters can cover their eyes or are otherwise mobile enough to not get forced lasik surgery from the SPs), but damn, if I were on the Patrol that’d be my go-to Plan A!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.16.03 AM.png

At the very least, Ultraman will have a way easier time finishing off a blinded kaiju than one that can see!

But yeah, with Dodongo still stomping around in blind hysteria, Mura (knowingly?????) tells Hayata to go “distract” the monster.  We know what that means!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.12.00 AM


Ultraman flies in and rather than his trademark (fucking awesome) soaring, back-breaking double-kick, he lands on Dodongo’s back and starts riding him like a bucking bronco!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.12.34 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.12.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.13.10 AM

Hahaha, yay!!  It’s not as outright hilarious as UM and Gyango giving each other purple nurples and wet willies, but it’s pretty awesome and funny in its own right. Maybe Dodongo’s weeping, meaty eyeholes are what make it less delightful.

After that dope headlock, Dodongo launches UM, and we get a rare shot from Ultraman’s POV as he aims his Specium Beam:

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.17.27 AM

If you thought zombies were a weird spin-off for Call of Duty…

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.17.49 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.18.03 AM

Dodongo doesn’t explode when he gets hit with the hand-lasers like a lot of kaiju do.  Dodongo’s death is quieter and sadder: the creature collapses, struggles for a bit, then passes away.  The music swells, and it’s clear that this just isn’t a proud victory.  Human lives were lost, and so was the secret of immortality.  It reminds me of the ending to an earlier episode, Secret of Miroganda, but this time the stakes are higher and the loss is greater.


Another difference: way less goop in this episode.

Ultraman flies off and shoots a big laser SpaghettiO out of his hands.  I was baffled by this for a good split-second before I realized they were finally showing us how Ultraman changes back into Hayata.  COOL!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.20.52 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.21.59 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.22.08 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.22.18 AM

Also, I love these cliffs.  Lots of gorgeous location shooting in this episode.

The Science Patrollers check on Arashi (“He’s as strong as an ox, nothing can hurt him badly”) and Iwamoto laments not just the loss of the mummy and Dodongo, but his own ignorance.  The monsters were perfectly harmless in hibernation and disturbing their tomb (regardless of intent) caused so much havok.  It’s a thoughtful, downbeat ending that skillfully avoids being mawkish or maudlin.  Ito spots Hayata on the cliffs having a good long think about everything and “Standing how Ultraman would stand.”

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.26.53 AM.png

It’s a great way to wrap up the episode and develop Ultraman/Hayata just the littlest bit.  The second half of the episode is good, but that first half is excellent. It’s so good it’s one of those cases were I almost wish they could skip the Ultraman part of the Ultraman Formula™ and just give us a full half-hour of that story.  To a lesser extent I felt that way about the previous episode (but there’s no way in Hell I’d give up the Gyango fight for ANYTHING), and it’s something that happens a couple times in Ultraman X, too (the Pygmon and the alien rugby match episodes immediately come to mind).  It’s not a dig against the kaiju action, it’s a compliment to the pre-kaiju adventure!

Screen Shot 2017-07-19 at 4.32.02 PM

Episode 13
Oil S.O.S.

In the Ruffian from Outer Space review I mentioned that Gyango is a pretty funky kaiju, but he’s practically another Godzilla look-alike (ex. 1, 2, 3) compared to the fuckin’ freaked-out critter at the heart of Oil S.O.S!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.37.25 AM.png

His arm-leg-wing-torsos always remind me of kiwis cut in half and I can never ever unsee it.

That walking fever dream is Pestar, an oil-eating beast (“Pe” for petroleum, “star” for starfish!) that we’ll see more of in a little bit.  Oil S.O.S. gets right into it, so I’ll do the same!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.35.55 AM.png


Now we’re talkin’, right?! The narrator lets us know that freak accidents have been happening around the world wherever oil is shipped, processed, or stored.  Got it?  Good! Here’s a drunk guy!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.37.07 AM

“I’m not drunk I’m just ;aksdg;asdfjkasdf” crashes to the ground drunkenly

Drunk guy spots weird lights in the water and when he staggers out in front of a truck to warn them, (surprise!) they don’t take him super seriously.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.39.44 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.41.24 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.42.52 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.46.16 AM

“Yeah, who’s a yammering drunk nowwaaaauuurrrggghhh!” vomits, falls face-first into vomit, goes unconscious, shits pants

We get our first look at the totally bonkers Pestar here, a creature brought to life by a pair of suit actors in one suit.  It’s an ambitious technique that I’m always excited to see more of.  Pestar blows up the truck, drags it into the bay, and then disappears as mysteriously as it arrived.  So who ya gonna call?

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.15.29 AM.png

Kaijubusters! The Science Patrol!

Ito and Arashi do flyby surveillance while Mura and Hayata work the crowd.  I always like when these guys get to do some detective work, and this scene opens with a really bitchin’ composite shot of Mura watching the other SPers zoom by overhead.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.49.51 AM

The local cops have the drunk dockworker from last night in custody, and he’s angrily standing by his story.  The cops are quick to blame last night’s disaster on an errant cig from him.  Hayata tries to give the dockworker a fair listen, but thinks Hayata’s just being condescending.  It’s an interesting, salty twist on the old genre trope of “kindly local eccentric gets scoffed at by authorities.” Hayata and Mura are well aware of the recent oil catastrophes around the world and have a hunch that they’re linked to the dockworker’s story.  It’s moot in a couple minutes though!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.57.38 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 12.58.42 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.00.30 AM

Spectacularly, explosively moot

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.01.40 AM

It’s an incredible explosion, and we get a full, daylight eyeful of the colossal culprit!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.03.58 AM

His big pair of kiwi-starfish bodies are weird enough in their own right, but the fact that they connect in the middle with a hideous little bat-face elevates Pestar to a whole shocking new level of strange.  He also makes modified Mothra sounds! I won’t be forgetting this oil-guzzling goon any time soon, and the same goes for Ultra-creators! Menjura (from Ultraman Tiga) and Antimatter (from Mega Monster Battle: Ultra Galaxy Legend The Movie) are both inspired by this gas-hole:



Just like it’s good dorky fun to spot re-used elements of existing kaiju suits, I am nerdishly excited to spot recurring design themes like this.

After he sinks the ship, Pestar slips back under the waves and our heroes regroup to cook up a plan.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.12.13 AM

“As you can see here, this thing is weird as balls”

The good Dr. Iwamoto is in the house and he hypothesizes that Pestar is eating oil to survive.  Specifically, dude-man gobbles up the bacteria that live in the oil.  Mura speculates that the massive, nearby oil refinery will be the creature’s next buffet.  They put forth that the two huge torsos contain twin stomachs, and Arashi’s like “if they’re full of oil then let’s just blow this bitch up!”

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.13.45 AM.png

These last few episodes have really built Arashi up into a cool, funny character.

Hayata’s like “Dude no… come on, man,” because blowing the shit out of an oil-filled thing in an oil field would be very, very bad.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.51.44 AM.png


Mura cooks up a clever plan that they almost pull off instead.  It starts with choppers, oil drums, and some terrific miniature work:

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.17.06 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.17.20 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.26.27 AM

There’s nothing more 60s than “yeah fuck it let’s dump a ton of oil into the ocean on purpose!”

Pestar takes the bait! Our heroes engage him by jet and manage to fuck him up a bit, but he slips away and heads to shore.  He’s a tricky little shit, and that’s especially evident when he jump-scares Ito and fucks up everything!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.29.44 AM

I really dig these overhead flying shots.  We get a couple this episode and they look lovely.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.31.20 AM


Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.31.36 AM


Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.32.03 AM


Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.32.38 AM

Artist’s conception of “leftover pepperoni pizza after midnight” heartburn.

Ito is spooked so bad he slips and launches a missile at one of Pestar’s bod-tummies, and it makes him barf fire!… Into the oil field they were trying to protect! Pestar makes landfall at the oil refinery and Mura is pissed at Ito for goofing up.  He’s harsh with Ito, but he’s also quick to kill any blame-gaming before it starts: he tells the team that they’re all responsible for this mistake and it’s their job to dive right back in and fix this shitshow. Mura’s a good leader.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.16.36 AM.png

“I want half plain cheese and the other half supreme.  Some of my people are picky eaters and I’m responsible for all of them, damn it! No Ito we’re not getting a 2-liter Mountain Dew: Code Red, it makes you too hyper.”

Pestar gets a pyro-riffic chaos montage as he goes absolutely apeshit on the oil field.  I think Pestar’s parents let him play with matches or something when he was a kaiju-kid:

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.34.38 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.38.11 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.38.22 AMScreen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.38.46 AM

The Science Patrollers actually manage to hit Pestar with so much firepower that he goes down!  Here’s that big formula-flip I mentioned at the top of the review! Instead of fighting a monster, the climax of this episode is fighting a fire!  I love seeing our heroes helping real people in a real(ish) situation as a break from their usual high-flying, sci-fi ass-kickery.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.44.50 AM.png

When they land and meet with the refinery managers, Mura takes responsibility for the mistake that drove Pestar to the refinery, and Ito can’t take the guilt any more.  Dude breaks off from the group and sprints into the fiery chaos in an effort to put out the entire fire alone and “redeem” himself.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.55.26 AM

Guess how that turns out.

They put you right in the middle of the chaos with a whole slew of dynamic camera techniques, in particular some really exciting pans and zooms through the fantastic oil refinery miniatures.  Hayata and Arashi race into the inferno to try and rescue Ito while Mura and Fuji help with evacuation and fire-fighting efforts.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.58.13 AM.png

And hey, look who happened to show up when Hayata and Arashi got separated!?! Weird, right?

ULTRA RESCUE GOOOOOO!  Ultraman looks completely fucking awesome navigating the fiery oil field, helped along by smart, low-angle camera work and some incredible mini-sets.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.02.48 AM

His eyes and color timer burning through the thick black smoke are sick as hell too.  He seems really alien here, in a great way.

As much as they’ve shaken up the formula for an Ultraman climax, they can’t fully get away from UM offing a slobbering murder-monster, so Pestar’s shambling corpse stirs just enough to get lasered back to hell:

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 1.59.51 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.00.03 AM

I’m starting to think it’s in Ultraman’s contract or something.

With Pestar truly, fully dead, Ultraman can get to work putting out this crazy oil fire! The exciting question is: how will he do it? Create tidal waves by splashing around in the bay?  Smother it with fistfuls of gravel from a nearby rock quarry?  Pick up a nearby water tower and smash it open?

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.04.10 AM


Save your Oozinator jokes you pervs! Ultraman’s a hero and his liquid eruptions mostly look like water!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.05.39 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.06.19 AM

See? It’s fine!

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.06.29 AM

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.07.12 AM

Okay maybe not this one.

Jokes aside it’s a cool hero moment for Ultraman.  I love seeing him do heroic things besides killing monsters, and this whole fire-rescue schtick reminds me of the part in Coast Guard Orders where he lifts a cop car to safety.


So damn cool! I hope we see more stuff like this in future episodes.

Ultraman’s color timer starts beeping just as he finishes putting out the last fire.  Satisfied with his handiwork, Ultraman soars back off into space, and the Science Patrollers all circle back to the now-safe Ito.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.08.16 AM

Ito still feels like garbage, convinced that he’s failed the team and doesn’t deserve to be a Science Patroller.  Mura talks sense into the distraught Ito, who hears it, smiles with relief, then promptly passes back out.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.09.31 AM.png

It’s a light, funny ending that complements the last episode’s somber conclusion well.  In addition to the crazy-weird monster, formula-flip, and seeing the Science Patrol tackle a realistic crisis in the second half, I love that this episode gives us a little peek into how the Science Patrollers (and especially Captain Mura) work together as a unit.

Screen Shot 2017-07-25 at 2.07.29 AM

Ultraman nailed the Bigfoot walk a year before Bigfoot did!

Great batch of episodes this month! This is going to be a long project, but episodes like these keep me excited to keep chipping away at it: the show continues to innovate and impress.  Happy Kaijuly folks! I hope yours was Ultra!

Screen Shot 2017-07-24 at 3.20.36 AM.png

15 thoughts on “Ultraman Review Part 5: Episodes 11-13

  1. Man… I bought the entire first season on DVD from Amazon a while back… really need to get that out and watch after your reviews for the full impact!

    I may have posted before, but we used to get up and watch Ultraman every Sunday morning at 6 am. I think they may have showed some Ultra Q as well… between that and Space Giants and Spectre Man on the weekdays, I had a kaiju filled childhood.

    • It makes for a fun binge watch! I’m super jealous of everybody that got to grow up with giant heroes on TV!… I took Power Rangers for granted, but they’re just not as cool in my book.

  2. So why does the monster in “Cry of the Mummy” look like Aquamentus but have Dodongo’s name from “The Legend of Zelda”? o_O

    Also, Oozinator… WHY?!?!?

    • Re: Dodongo/Aquamentus: I wonder if that was a localization goof, or if the team at Nintendo had fuzzy memories of Ultraman?

      Let us never speak of the Oozinator again… except maybe to horrify friends that have never heard of it.

  3. Pingback: Haruo Nakajima, 1929-2017 | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

    • Thanks for reading! I’m always a little jealous of the folks that got to grow up with Ultraman, but I’m having a lot of fun with it now even if I was a little late to the party.

      • Well it’s not that I watched when it came out, but rather we had an old receiver, where they replayed it and I was the only one in my social group that watched it. No regrets buddy!

  4. I’m so glad that someone is as unapologetically and un-objectively, bat-shit in love with each and every single episode of this show as I am. I used to watch this with my father on those old, bootleg, mid-2000’s, blue menu screen DVD’s when I was a kid. The feelings this show gives me is are so deeply rooted into my childhood that it is physically IMPOSSIBLE to get me to say anything bad about it. Cannot wait for more man! Keep on it! https://youtu.be/H6MMEsD_Avo?t=20s

    • Oh my god you get a billion points for invoking Dr. Steve Brule!

      ALWAYS good to meet a kindred Ultra-spirit! Ultraman is such pure goofy fun it’s impossible to not fall in love with it. I actually didn’t have the benefit of growing up with the show: I hadn’t dug into it until just a couple years ago (mostly spurred by a G-Fest viewing of the hilarious and heart-breaking episode “The Little Hero”), and it’s every bit as awesome and delightful for an adult first-timer.

      Thanks for reading! Catch you on the next one! 👍

  5. Pingback: Get out of your Gamera the Cave, it’s time for Gamera the Brave! | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

  6. Pingback: I bet The Amazing Colossal Man has Amazing Colossal Glands | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

  7. Pingback: Ultraman Review Part 6: Episodes 14-15 | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

  8. Pingback: Godzilla’s Revenge (of the Nerds) | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

  9. Pingback: Ultraman Review Part 7: Episodes 16-18 | MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s