MONSTERS HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD

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[Like I mentioned in my previous post, here’s my incomplete Godzilla vs Kong review! The further along it gets, the more unfinished it is, but I wanted to share what I had before signing off.  After the review I’ll cap it off with a  mess of closing thoughts. Enjoy!]

Godzilla vs. Kong is the movie I have been waiting for since I was a little boy.  Not necessarily this version of the movie, but a big budget, high-profile rematch between my two favorite monsters of all time.  I love these two big mean fuckers on their own, but together?  That’s pure movie magic. Totally audacious, unhinged imagination let loose and exploding on screens all over the planet.  

The more I learned about filmmaking and the more I paid attention to the film industry growing up, the more I came to believe that Godzilla and King Kong would never meet again on the big screen. Even when Legendary announced their plans to build towards this movie, I had my doubts.  A single MonsterVerse flop could easily kill the plan, a global plague could even more easily kill the plan.  And yet!!  And yet here I am, reviewing the movie I’ve hoped for and daydreamed for my whole life and spent over half my life convinced I would never get to see. Not only that, but the rest of the world at large (not just the kaiju fan community!) seems genuinely stoked! True randos were cooking up funny tweets and fan art and speculating about plot details in the lead-up to its release! I told a friend that the release of Godzilla vs. Kong felt like Monster Christmas, he agreed!

w9mn06r6gan61Godzilla vs. Kong, currently the capstone on Legendary Pictures’ ambitious MonsterVerse cinematic universe, has its problems, large and small… but it also delivers all the big, crazy, colorful, joyful, thrilling, scary, gross, and awe-inspiring fun you could ask for in the greatest monster prize fight rematch in history. Just the fact that there’s now a mega-budget, (relative) smash-hit Hollywood blockbuster that has a title starting with “Godzilla vs.” is incredibly exciting. The fact that said title ends with “Kong”?! I’m freaking the fuck out over here, gang. I will be for a long time ūü§£

This won’t be one of my usual reviews. Partly because I’m probably incapable of being objective about this movie (I have pretty bad recency bias on a good day, let alone for a movie I’ve daydreamed about since I was 6), but also because I want to talk about where I’ve been lately, the new kaiju boom we’re living in, and how I’m thinking about some major changes when it comes to my writing and this website. I’ve also been jonesing for an excuse to look back on what this site, the kaiju fandom, and the monsters themselves have really meant to me all this time–MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD was always a deeply personal project, and these last couple years especially have taught me a lot about myself and why these big stompy bastards matter so much to me.  

So this might be a sort-of kind-of a farewell post? Or at least saying farewell to the super in-depth kaiju reviews?  Who knows, I might feel completely differently in the near future and find myself re-inspired to get back to the big meaty reviews!  I’m not in a position to guarantee anything right now–so instead I want to just go with the flow and see where it takes me. Deep down I’ve been itching to pivot away from writing about other peoples’ creations and start writing my own stuff (I’ve threatened friends and family with fan-fic for years), and that’s at least some part of why I’ve had such a hard time getting out reviews the last couple years. Of course I can’t just WALK AWAY when there’s so much kaiju kontent to review, so for this big funky mega-post I will also do micro-reviews of every “Main Monster’s” filmography. For me that means Godzilla, Kong, Gamera, and Ultraman, and probably a few other odds and ends in there too [Had to ditch this, sorry. Maybe someday!]. This is a weird one and a big one and a personal one, so hoist up your glowing nuke-ax, buckle into your H.E.A.V. and grab a barf bag because we’re atomic breath-ing all the way down to the Hollow fuckin’ Earth!

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Godzilla Singular Point, Ultraman Z, Titanotober, and More?!?!

singular-pointHey! I’m not dead!¬†¬†

Where are the last two months’ reviews?¬† I’ll tell you: fuckin’ nowhere! Life is hard. Many, many things are total dogshit when it comes to life in 2020, but one of like four things that isn’t a complete, blood-shitting, teeth-grinding nightmare is being a kaiju fan! Holy shit there is so much going on and coming up! It even occasionally makes me hope that our inevitable extinction level event (be it a global ecological catastrophe, World War III, or uh tainted Moon water?) will hold off until…. maybe like 2022 or ’23 (tops).¬†

For October I was considering doing a mini episode round-up of Ultraman Z, the current and absolutely excellent installment of the long-running Ultraman series.¬† Buuuut October also saw the birth of a cool new kaiju art challenge, Titanotober!¬† But it’s also been forever since I reviewed Ultraman ’66 episodes. But also also but I’ve been wanting to review Gamera vs. Guiron for like, the last year or so.¬†

In classic Matt fashion I couldn’t figure out which one to commit to.¬† Throw in long hours at work, maintaining inter-personal relationships (that is, largely failing at maintaining said relationships), the chores and daily duties of everyday life, plus the twin siren songs of Animal Crossing AND Super Mario 3D All-Stars and you have a Voltron of responsibilities and distractions that’s better at eradicating free time better than actual Voltron is at killing off space monsters!

So what?¬† So this time I’m doing something a little different and dipping into a little bit of everything that’s swirling around in the kaijuverse… ESPECIALLY GODZILLA SINGULAR POINT HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU SEEN THIS?!?!?!

If you haven’t, check it out! Then slap the “read more of Matt’s bullshit” button! If you want. You do you.¬† Self care, etc. XOXOXOX

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BLACK LIVES MATTER

I pride myself on keeping Monsters Conquer the World a worry-free bubble; a monster-filled refuge from the horrors of everyday life. But with everything that’s happening right now, I MUST make an exception.

#BlackLivesMatter

We must hold our police accountable for their brutality, corruption and continuous abuse of power. Peaceful protesters are out there risking their necks and fighting the good fight, but they need help from EVERYONE in order to keep it up.

Not everyone can march, not everyone can donate money, but there are other ways to support this vital cause. There are petitions to sign, information to share, even ways to help via streaming.

If you’re not sure where to start or just have questions, I recommend https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/¬†. Using this site I was able to quickly and easily donate to the Detroit chapter of The Bail Project. Please do what you can.

MCTW Podcast: Organism 46-B!

220px-Colossal_octopus_by_Pierre_Denys_de_MontfortA lost episode of Monsters Conquer the World Podcast has risen to the surface thanks to Ralph’s audio necromancy! Join in as he and Matt dive into the murky waters of Organism 46-B! Is Vladimir Putin’s sinister spy-squid the next great horror of the information age?… or are we being trolled? We also tour Antarctica and sample its many¬†conspiracy theories. Russian accents galore!

Listen in as we expose the disturbing truth about one of the newest additions to the cryptid canon and explore the well-documented scientific tragedy directly connected to it!

You can still get shirts, hoodies, and other cool merch on our Teepublic page, and you can even download the killer Theme Song by Ralph!

Monsters Conquer the World Podcast is available where ever you go casting about for your favorite pods, or click your clackers on this webzone: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

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Like Organism 46-B after a kill-frenzy, MCTW Podcast will be going back into indefinite suspended animation after this episode.  Host and musical/audio engineering super pimp Ralph has stepped away from the podcast, and those are big goddamn shoes to fill.  I can fit my whole body in just ONE of his shoes.  I really want to make at least a few more episodes, but there are a ton of moving parts to lock down before that dream can become reality.  Until then, watch out for Volkswagen-sized, 14-legged, shape-shifting hypnotist squids!

MCTW Podcast: La Llorona!

thumbnailMonsters Conquer the World Podcast¬†is here with a spooktacular new episode! Just in time for Halloween, we’re taking on the classic Mexican ghost story La Llorona and its¬† 2019 film adaptation, The Curse of La Llorona!¬†We’ve got a super special guest to guide us through the wild and woolly world of the weeping woman, our good friend Richard (inventor of the Monsters Conquer the World signature cocktail!)! Richard grew up hearing tales of La Llorona, so we were super excited to get his perspective on the movie and of course dive into the deep folkloric roots of this iconic ghoul!

We weigh in on jump scares and¬†anti jump scares, Mexico’s horrifying(?) Hairy Hand, the real-life historical figure that (may have) inspired La Llorona, Steve Urkel, and so much more!

We also get some bonus ghost stories–enough to fill up the adjoining Shadow Episode, which I super duper recommend checking out!¬† Come for La Lechuza, Mexico’s terrifying owl witch, and stay for Richard’s run in with a Curandero!¬†Plus Ralph and Richard discuss the nature of ghost stories and superstitions and what they mean not only in Mexican folklore, but the human experience at large. Shit is¬†dope, friendos.

Monsters Conquer the World Podcast is available everywhere you pick up your favorite casted pods, but you can also just clack on this lonk if you wunt: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

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I hope you enjoy the episode (and Shadow Episode)–due to life stuff I had to be more hands-off this time, but Ralph and Richard totally crushed it–this is absolutely one of my favorite episodes we’ve done.¬† That said, between my work schedule (which will continue to be crazy through the end of the year), the hectic insanity of the holiday season, and just needing to make sure our personal lives don’t fall apart, Ralph and I have decided that Monsters Conquer the World Podcast will be on hiatus at least through November and December.¬† We don’t have an exact return time locked in yet, but we’re aiming for January or February.¬† We’ve still got a bunch of episode ideas that we’re psyched about, so hopefully life will have chilled out enough by then so we can actually make those episodes.¬† Of course Patreon will be on hold while we’re gone, but monthly(-ish) blog posts won’t be effected–my review of¬†the 1976¬†King Kong should be ready to drop (at least in part) before All Hallow’s Eve.¬† Our Discord channel, Facebook, and Twitter will keep functioning as normal too!

M E R C H

UH OH Y’ALL

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WE. HAVE. FRICKIN’. MERCH.¬† Like a real-life big boy podcast and blog! Our friend Mikey cooked up a KILLER logo for us and Ralph slam-dunked it onto Teepublic! Here’s a closer look at the sexy new icon! Roll that beautiful bean footage!

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Aw doink! Looka that!

Teepublic gives you roughly a zillion different options, so head over there and slap it onto your favorite color t-shirt, some fun fridge magnets, or hell, a coffee mug that you use to discretely drink the official Monsters Conquer the World Cocktail out of!

MCTW Podcast: Jason X!

51agbqbLBlLHoly frick! Oh doink! Shelley, one of our ruggedly handsome and effortlessly charming Patrons, has ascended to Godzilla status, giving them the atomic power to choose the discussion topic for an episode of Monsters Conquer the World Podcast!¬†In their infinite wisdom they have chosen 2001’s¬†Jason X! It’s a movie with everything! Space Jason (Spaceon)! Schr√∂dinger’s robot nipples! Hilarious-looking future fashion! Oh yeah, and grisly, interplanetary murder. Almost forgot that last one.

We dive into all that and discuss the state of the¬†Friday the 13th/Jason franchise, how¬†Scream flipped the horror world upside down in the late 90s, Teletubbies, and our pitches for Jason’s next big stab-tastic adventure!

Join in the blood-splattered, deep space fun on your favorite podcast app, or click this lil’ link:¬† https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

Shelley has dedicated this episode to Goofy Goof (a.k.a. “George Geef”???) and would like us all to take a moment to remember that the wacky, gangly dog-man is also a heartbreakingly good and loving father.¬† It’s a sentiment Ralph and I agree with vigorously and one that is especially salient with regards to Jason X’s Shadow Episode, which our Patrons will have access to in the very near future…

MCTW Podcast: Godzilla vs. Gigan!

godzilla-vs-gigan-plish-film-poster-1977Monsters Conquer the World Podcast is back for more Godzilla (but it’s only Godzilla if it comes from the Godzilla region of France, otherwise it’s just sparkling kaiju)! This time we’re digging in to 1972’s¬†Godzilla vs. Gigan, a wacky tag-team rock ’em sock ’em epic about a cartoonist, weaponized corn, and a misbegotten amusement park!

We chat about PERFECT PEACE, the fascinating secrets of pro wrestling, and loud chewing! Oh and of course, the fact that 90s sci-fi comedy classic Men in Black ripped this off pretty much from top to bottom.

Hit up your favorite podcast app to listen in or just smack this link-a-rino:

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

Some thrilling news too: if you become a Patron at our brand new G O D Z I L L A¬†tier, you can actually pick what we yap about for an episode!¬† WHAT?! Have we like, FULLY baked our noodles here?¬† MAYBE! Zip-zap-zop on over to our Patreon page for all the diggity-deets!¬† As always, hopping on at the El Chupacabra tier grants you access to our top secret shadow episodes–full bonus episodes that drop right alongside the normal ones! It’s very¬†Us of us.¬† This time we chat about¬†Crawl, the recent ‘gator flick!¬† Enjoy! ūüź≤ūüéß

MCTW Podcast: Gamera vs. Jiger!

3084393010_3e64c94602_bMonsters Conquer the World Podcast makes its first run at Gamera! 1970’s creature classic:¬†Gamera vs. Jiger! I purposely told Ralph nothing¬†about the movie going in–it is¬†supremely fun experiencing it alongside a first-timer!

We sift through all the joyful insanity that is Gamera vs. Jiger and muse on Gamera’s capacity for baby fever, heroic child endangerment, a furious, heartbroken bouquet bashing, the disgusting beast Santa that we all hate, and that’s all before the final segment where we contemplate upcoming MCTW Podcast episodes!

Grab it on your podcatcher of choice, or slap this stinky linky for all the monster mashing mirth and mayhem:

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

It’s all part of the KAIJULY craziness! If you want even¬†more¬†MCTW Podcast for your (hopefully telephone-pole free) earholes, consider becoming a Patron at the $5 level! Doing so grants you access to the Illuminati-like inner circle where you can listen to the forbidden Shadow Episodes.¬† In this one we talk about the recent¬†Child’s Play¬†reboot!

Whether you plunge into the Shadow World or stay in the Light, I hope you enjoy our stuff!