MONSTERS HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD

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[Like I mentioned in my previous post, here’s my incomplete Godzilla vs Kong review! The further along it gets, the more unfinished it is, but I wanted to share what I had before signing off.  After the review I’ll cap it off with a  mess of closing thoughts. Enjoy!]

Godzilla vs. Kong is the movie I have been waiting for since I was a little boy.  Not necessarily this version of the movie, but a big budget, high-profile rematch between my two favorite monsters of all time.  I love these two big mean fuckers on their own, but together?  That’s pure movie magic. Totally audacious, unhinged imagination let loose and exploding on screens all over the planet.  

The more I learned about filmmaking and the more I paid attention to the film industry growing up, the more I came to believe that Godzilla and King Kong would never meet again on the big screen. Even when Legendary announced their plans to build towards this movie, I had my doubts.  A single MonsterVerse flop could easily kill the plan, a global plague could even more easily kill the plan.  And yet!!  And yet here I am, reviewing the movie I’ve hoped for and daydreamed for my whole life and spent over half my life convinced I would never get to see. Not only that, but the rest of the world at large (not just the kaiju fan community!) seems genuinely stoked! True randos were cooking up funny tweets and fan art and speculating about plot details in the lead-up to its release! I told a friend that the release of Godzilla vs. Kong felt like Monster Christmas, he agreed!

w9mn06r6gan61Godzilla vs. Kong, currently the capstone on Legendary Pictures’ ambitious MonsterVerse cinematic universe, has its problems, large and small… but it also delivers all the big, crazy, colorful, joyful, thrilling, scary, gross, and awe-inspiring fun you could ask for in the greatest monster prize fight rematch in history. Just the fact that there’s now a mega-budget, (relative) smash-hit Hollywood blockbuster that has a title starting with “Godzilla vs.” is incredibly exciting. The fact that said title ends with “Kong”?! I’m freaking the fuck out over here, gang. I will be for a long time 🤣

This won’t be one of my usual reviews. Partly because I’m probably incapable of being objective about this movie (I have pretty bad recency bias on a good day, let alone for a movie I’ve daydreamed about since I was 6), but also because I want to talk about where I’ve been lately, the new kaiju boom we’re living in, and how I’m thinking about some major changes when it comes to my writing and this website. I’ve also been jonesing for an excuse to look back on what this site, the kaiju fandom, and the monsters themselves have really meant to me all this time–MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD was always a deeply personal project, and these last couple years especially have taught me a lot about myself and why these big stompy bastards matter so much to me.  

So this might be a sort-of kind-of a farewell post? Or at least saying farewell to the super in-depth kaiju reviews?  Who knows, I might feel completely differently in the near future and find myself re-inspired to get back to the big meaty reviews!  I’m not in a position to guarantee anything right now–so instead I want to just go with the flow and see where it takes me. Deep down I’ve been itching to pivot away from writing about other peoples’ creations and start writing my own stuff (I’ve threatened friends and family with fan-fic for years), and that’s at least some part of why I’ve had such a hard time getting out reviews the last couple years. Of course I can’t just WALK AWAY when there’s so much kaiju kontent to review, so for this big funky mega-post I will also do micro-reviews of every “Main Monster’s” filmography. For me that means Godzilla, Kong, Gamera, and Ultraman, and probably a few other odds and ends in there too [Had to ditch this, sorry. Maybe someday!]. This is a weird one and a big one and a personal one, so hoist up your glowing nuke-ax, buckle into your H.E.A.V. and grab a barf bag because we’re atomic breath-ing all the way down to the Hollow fuckin’ Earth!

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Villain Monster Flies Away, Human Heroes Reflect on What They’ve Learned, Good Monster Wades off into the Sunset… Until Next Time

“I AM OFFICIALLY STOPPING MY BLOG”, he said, stupidly.  

“For sure nobody cares and it’s way weirder that you’re talking about it,” everyone said, correctly but also kind of meanly.  

I don’t know, how else do I open this? I’m stepping away from the blog, but I don’t want to leave it on a cliffhanger. I am okay. I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything weird.  I’m just ready to move on. 

Not from kaiju, of course.  I’m still fucking obsessed.  I’m currently watching Zyuranger, Mirrorman and Ultraman Trigger. Zyuranger is my favorite of the three, and I like it a fartload more than I ever liked Power Rangers.  I know that’s spicy, but I could never get into PR’s Saved by the Bell-ish stories.  And their re-contextualizations of the monsters were lame.  There’s a micro review for ya! Zyuranger FUCKIN’ SHREDDDDS, MAN.

Hahaha okay, so yeah, I’m not moving on from kaiju, but I am moving on from writing reviews of kaiju media (beyond the occasional tweet).  I don’t feel that burning drive to do it anymore, and there are a ton of folks out there covering it faster and more in-depth than I ever could (looking atchoo, Gormaru Island). It’s time to close up shop.  I fell hilariously short of my preposterous goals, but I feel good about it anyway.  It was fun, I made some friends, and I found even more big beautiful beasts to go batty for.  OH HEY A NEW GODZILLA SHORT FILM CAME OUT TODAY

As an out-and-proud Final Wars Fanatic and a Hedorah-ing Hedonist, I am of course overwhelmed with joy. It’s a fun, silly little blast.  I made sure to calmly and maturely let Toho know how I felt about the short:

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So I’m stopping the blog, but I’ve got some unfinished writing I want to share. Just for fun, I guess.  My notes for the Ultraman episode “My Home is Earth” are a scant few interesting nuggets I mined from IMDB and Wikipedia (and other ‘pedias), but they capture the harrowing, somber spirit of the episode.  After that is my partial intro for a Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974) review.  I’ve got one more post in me that will be coming soon–the first 75% of a Godzilla vs Kong review plus some closing thoughts.  This stuff’s all incomplete–broken links, missing images, unfinished thoughts, placeholder text, all the blood n’ guts–but I’m a bit of a gorehound, so maybe you are too.  No matter what, thanks for reading.  

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Godzilla Singular Point, Ultraman Z, Titanotober, and More?!?!

singular-pointHey! I’m not dead!  

Where are the last two months’ reviews?  I’ll tell you: fuckin’ nowhere! Life is hard. Many, many things are total dogshit when it comes to life in 2020, but one of like four things that isn’t a complete, blood-shitting, teeth-grinding nightmare is being a kaiju fan! Holy shit there is so much going on and coming up! It even occasionally makes me hope that our inevitable extinction level event (be it a global ecological catastrophe, World War III, or uh tainted Moon water?) will hold off until…. maybe like 2022 or ’23 (tops). 

For October I was considering doing a mini episode round-up of Ultraman Z, the current and absolutely excellent installment of the long-running Ultraman series.  Buuuut October also saw the birth of a cool new kaiju art challenge, Titanotober!  But it’s also been forever since I reviewed Ultraman ’66 episodes. But also also but I’ve been wanting to review Gamera vs. Guiron for like, the last year or so. 

In classic Matt fashion I couldn’t figure out which one to commit to.  Throw in long hours at work, maintaining inter-personal relationships (that is, largely failing at maintaining said relationships), the chores and daily duties of everyday life, plus the twin siren songs of Animal Crossing AND Super Mario 3D All-Stars and you have a Voltron of responsibilities and distractions that’s better at eradicating free time better than actual Voltron is at killing off space monsters!

So what?  So this time I’m doing something a little different and dipping into a little bit of everything that’s swirling around in the kaijuverse… ESPECIALLY GODZILLA SINGULAR POINT HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU SEEN THIS?!?!?!

If you haven’t, check it out! Then slap the “read more of Matt’s bullshit” button! If you want. You do you.  Self care, etc. XOXOXOX

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M E R C H

UH OH Y’ALL

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WE. HAVE. FRICKIN’. MERCH.  Like a real-life big boy podcast and blog! Our friend Mikey cooked up a KILLER logo for us and Ralph slam-dunked it onto Teepublic! Here’s a closer look at the sexy new icon! Roll that beautiful bean footage!

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Aw doink! Looka that!

Teepublic gives you roughly a zillion different options, so head over there and slap it onto your favorite color t-shirt, some fun fridge magnets, or hell, a coffee mug that you use to discretely drink the official Monsters Conquer the World Cocktail out of!

MCTW Podcast: Shin Godzilla (feat. Zachary Bergman)!

516vgGSwt-LMonsters Conquer the World Podcast crashes its bullet trains into Shin Godzilla! We’re joined by special guest Zach Bergman (aka Sour Gout)! Zach’s got a deep understanding of Shin director and Neon Genesis Evangelion mastermind Hideaki Anno; his career, his history in anime, and Japanese culture at large.  All pertinent stuff when you’re discussing a movie that’s got Anno’s ripe, powerful MUSK all over it like Shin G!

Matt and Ralph weigh in on the movie too of course, and we all pretty much have a grand old time yakking about this one-of-a-kind monster movie milestone. Plus we shine a searing purple laser on the (faux) Prince connection, Shin Godzilla’s roots in the 3/11 disaster(s), post-war Japan, otaku culture, hopes and dreams for the upcoming Shin Ultraman, Corporate Ralph, and of course, everyone’s favorite floppy bug-eyed baby boy, 2016’s brightest star, the precious and inimitable, Kamata Kun:

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Hello my darling son. My perfect, wiggly boy. How is your neck-blood today?

It’s out on your favorite podcast catcher! Or you can hit up this lil’ link-a-rino too: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world. Hope you dig it and have a fun-tastic Labor Day weekend!

MCTW Podcast: Godzilla vs. Gigan!

godzilla-vs-gigan-plish-film-poster-1977Monsters Conquer the World Podcast is back for more Godzilla (but it’s only Godzilla if it comes from the Godzilla region of France, otherwise it’s just sparkling kaiju)! This time we’re digging in to 1972’s Godzilla vs. Gigan, a wacky tag-team rock ’em sock ’em epic about a cartoonist, weaponized corn, and a misbegotten amusement park!

We chat about PERFECT PEACE, the fascinating secrets of pro wrestling, and loud chewing! Oh and of course, the fact that 90s sci-fi comedy classic Men in Black ripped this off pretty much from top to bottom.

Hit up your favorite podcast app to listen in or just smack this link-a-rino:

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/monsters-conquer-the-world

Some thrilling news too: if you become a Patron at our brand new G O D Z I L L A tier, you can actually pick what we yap about for an episode!  WHAT?! Have we like, FULLY baked our noodles here?  MAYBE! Zip-zap-zop on over to our Patreon page for all the diggity-deets!  As always, hopping on at the El Chupacabra tier grants you access to our top secret shadow episodes–full bonus episodes that drop right alongside the normal ones! It’s very Us of us.  This time we chat about Crawl, the recent ‘gator flick!  Enjoy! 🐲🎧

Don’t be a Godzilla: Ding-a-ling of the Monsters, Check out Godzilla: King of the Monsters!

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Holy goddamn, guys, it’s here! It’s been here for a little while now!  Didja see it? If not, go see it before you read this!

Of course I’m talking about John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum!

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Uhh, joke or not, you should actually totally see this if you haven’t yet. I mean I love kaiju shit more than most, but the J-Dub movies fucking S L A P. Totally pure, no bullshit, pedal-to-the-metal, balls-to-the-wall action/revenge movie paradise. 3’s got axes, horses, MORE dogs, Halle Berry with dogs, and of course, the universe’s favorite son Keanu doing all the Keanu junk we all love.

No of course I’m talking about Godzilla: King of the [MOTHER FUCKING] Monsters! It is… so much. The five year wait is finally over, and Big Fella is back on silver screens tearing shit UP.  By now you’ve probably heard a lot about KOTM–what critics thought, what box office bean counters thought, and you might have even already heard what my friend Ralph and I thought IMMEDIATELY after watching it.  But some time has passed, I’ve actually had a chance to process it, and I wanna REALLY dig into this mo-fo.  You know, do that old school MONSTERS CONQUER THE WORLD SHIT.

Are the critics right?  Are the fans right? Is it like a lot of things in life, something nebulous in the middle?  Did I ascend to the next plane of consciousness watching this thing?  Hop aboard the Argo, fire up the Orca and say hi to Kevin, because we’re entering the realm of GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS

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MONSTERS CONQUER YOUR LIQUOR CABINET

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HOLY SHIT! Our friend Richard concocted a cocktail inspired by the podcast and our BURNING love for monsters! Straight scoop from the mixologist’s mouth:

“My buddies, Matt and Ralph have a cool new podcast called Monsters Conquer the World. To commemorate their new adventure I created my first ever cocktail. I call it the King of the Monsters. Kiwi, apple, pineapple, lime and orange juices with rum, orange curacao, lemoncello, and orgeat with a couple dashes of bitters. I garnished it with a seaweed Godzilla, pineapple spears, and a flaming 151 float on a slice of lemon. It tastes pretty good and packs a monster-sized punch.”

Talk about a little somethin’ to take the nuclear edge off! First round’s on me! 🍹🦖💥

MCTW Podcast: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

godzilla-kingofthemonsters-japaneseposter-full-700x991Ralph and I saw Godzilla: King of the Monsters, so you better believe we’ve got a big, juicy, turgid new episode of the Monsters Conquer the World podcast ready and waiting for you! We’re on the Google Podcasts app now, so you can’t escape us! We’re everywhere!  But in a cool, fun way. Like cheeky prankster ghosts or helpful, centipede-eating spiders.

We dig into the great, the good, and the uh not-quite-as-good aspects of the film. We go frickin’ spoiler crazy starting at 14:50, so you’ve been warned! Ralph is as insightful as ever, but there is also a non-zero chance he may hail from a parallel dimension.  We also wax philosophical on the World’s Strongest Man competition, cinematic treasure Jason X, and  indulge in some extended Bradley Whitford appreciation.  Either hit us up on your pod-catcher of choice or click below and SMURSH that play button:

https://monstersconquer.podbean.com/e/godzilla-king-of-the-monsters-1559636457/

Digging it?  Liking it?  If yes, be sure to subscribe, rate us, tell your friends, whatever you can do! Anything you can do really does help, and you taking the time to do that means the (Monsters Conquer the) world to us.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters — Micro Review

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Just got home from Godzilla: King of the Monsters.  Here’s my spoiler-free micro-review:

HO-LEEEE FUCKING SHIT

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If you are reading this I can all but gurantee you will have a shit-ton of fun seeing this bad boy in the theater.  There is so much to unpack here, gang.  Fuller, deeper, spoiler-ier thoughts and content are on the way (after at least one more viewing 😉 ). Until then, check out this actual footage of me watching the movie:

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“Hahahah yay, horray!”